By Popular Demand Dating Tips for Women Part 4

Now that you've completed the bulk of the first date, the lingering question is on all of your minds. Will my friends ever find out that I hooked up with this jackass if I take him home and fuck his brains out? Okay so really, you don't care if they ever find out, you just want to know exactly how to end the date.

If you've made it this far without running away or having him run away, chances are you two have clicked pretty well. That's a rarity in and of itself. What happens next will either seal a second date or guarantee that she'll never speak to you again. You see at this point I'd like to welcome you to "YOU CAN'T WIN THEATER". If you try to kiss him at the end of the night there are a few things could possibly happen.

1. He'll be a hornball and think that just because you're kissing him, you want to take him home and do him.

2. He'll kiss you back and use a rare technique...either vortex tongue or snake tongue. It will be disgusting and you'll want to come home and get clean in a bathtub full of hydrochloric acid. You still wont get clean.

3. He'll kiss you and then call you incessently for the next 10 days, he wont get the hint that you aren't interested in a stalker until AFTER you file the restraining order.



Basically, you shouldn't try to kiss the guy on the first date because nothing good can come of it, but then again if you don't, he'll think you weren't into her even if you were. This is just another reason why dating is for suckers. Do yourself a favor and become a nun.

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Dating tips for men part 4: Goodnight kiss

Now that you've completed the bulk of the first date, the lingering question is on all of your minds. Will my friends ever find out that I hooked up with this heiffer if I take her home and fuck her brains out? Okay so really, you don't care if they ever find out, you just want to know exactly how to end the date.

If you've made it this far without running away or having her run away, chances are you two have clicked pretty well. That's a rarity in and of itself. What happens next will either seal a second date or guarantee that she'll never speak to you again. You see at this point I'd like to welcome you to "YOU CAN'T WIN THEATER". If you try to kiss her at the end of the night there are a few things could possibly happen.

1. She'll back away and say she doens't ever kiss on first dates. You'll know she really wasn't that into you because NO one doesn't kiss on a first date anymore.

2. She'll let you kiss her and it will be the most awkward nasty gross kiss ever. You'll want to off yourself afterwards.

3. She will let you kiss her and then she'll start crying because it took her back to the days where an older man in her life molested her.



Basically, you shouldn't try to kiss the girl on the first date because nothing good can come of it, but then again if you don't, she'll think you weren't into her even if you were. This is just another reason why dating is for suckers. Stay single, unless you like suffering.

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Dating tips for men part 3.

Now the really hard part is done. You've finished the "pickup" and gotten past "first contact", now its time to go for the kill. You've played the game just right and you're well on your way to getting laid, which will be a nice change from fucking the inside of a dirty sock. Now you have to schedule the first date and really get her to like you. She knows virtually NOTHING about you, other than you were cute and charming when she was drunk.

Make the first date something original. Sure dinner and a movie is a decent first date, as are drink or even just grabbing coffee. All to often these dates turn into playing "20 questions". Once you've scheduled the date, don't show up. See the thing is, she probably won't show up either. Let's face it, you're not exactly as cool as you think you are, you're probably not even 1/10th as cool as you think you are. She was really just being nice so you'd stop calling her. If you do happen to show up one of the following scenarios will take place.

1. She will tell you about her ex-boyfriends and how they're still great friends. This just means that she's emotionally not ready to date.

2. You will bring up sex and she'll think you're creepy. Even though sex is on both people's minds(don't lie and say it isn't, you might just not want to have it THAT night), she will automatically think that it's all you're after.

3. She won't show up. This happens more often than you think and you're back to fucking your dirty sock.


I guess to sum the first date up, you're really better off not going on it at all. Unless you're into dating psycho chicks who are really just looking for someone to fill an emotional void that their exboyfriends and daddy have left in her heart. Do you really want to be that kind of bitch? Ask yourself before going on a date with the girl.

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Dating Tips for Women Part 3

So, for whatever reason you decided to allow that random dude from the bar to take you out. It's probably because you were drunk the second time he called. Regardless, you're going to go through with it. As usual the guy asks you out for dinner and you start to prepare yourself for the 20 questions game.

You make sure to look your nicest, you do your hair and makeup. The real point of this date is to make him want you even if you don't want him. When you meet him a few things could happen.


1. He'll take you to dinner. He won't ask where you want to go, instead he'll take you to a corny ass italian restaurant, split the bill, and then wonder why you don't return his calls..

2. He'll show up wearing jeans and a t-shirt while you look like you're ready to go to the prom. He will then take you to some shithole of a burger joint and you'll cry when he spills mustard on your dress. He will laugh at you and then he'll wonder why you never return his calls.

3. You guys will have a wonderful dinner, he'll invite you to his place to watch a movie. You'll actually think he wants to watch a movie...moron.  As soon as you get to his place, his tongue will be down your throat.  You'll leave feeling violated and he'll wonder why you never pick up for him again.

If you'll notice, no matter what you do, he's most likely creepy and all of these scenarios end up with you not talking to him anymore.  My advice...accept the inevitable and buy a few cats.
.

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Cheap dates for a bad economy

Alrighty there slugger, you're ready to take on the world and hell, you want a date. One problem, you can't find a job because of the terrible economy and you're broke! But still you've found that special gal that you just can't wait to take out. Here are a list of my top 10 cheap dates that wont break your bank.

#1. No girl can turn down an old fashioned date, tell her you want to take her out fora burger and shake at this nice diner you know. Take her to the mccafe and buy her a mcdouble and mcshake.

Cost of date - $2.00 + tax (if you don't eat).

#2. Let her know that you're serious about your future with her. Take her to planned parenthood. Hey, if the date goes well, condoms are free.

Cost of date - $0.00

#3 Tell her you'd really like to take her to dinner and bring her to your parents house. Mom'll always cook you free food AND you can get your laundry done at the same time. Also doing the laundry ensures that she'll have to stick around for at least an hour and a half.

Cost of date - Having to listen to your mom talk through dinner.

#4 Maybe you're not sure if she's going to say yes, but you still want to guarantee a date. Take her to this nice cozy place called the trunk of your car.

Cost of date - 30 to life if she's not into you.

#5 Every girl likes a guy who can cook, so cook her dinner. Use cheap ingredients, but say it in French so you sound fancy. "Tonight we're having ramen au gratin ala perfeccion" Ramen and cheese never sounded so delcious, she'll love you because you're fancy

Cost of date - $1.00 (or market rate).

#6 Let her know you care and want to listen to her. Schedule an internet chat date. The upside to this first date is that if things go well you can propose online and say "I just wanted to be sweet and propose to you in the place where we had our first date"

Cost of date - Free if you have a computer and steal wifi from your nieghbors.

#7 Give her a night she'll never forget by taking her out to dinner and at the end of the night making her pay.

Cost of date - if she refuses you may have to do dishes.

#8 Take her out for drinks, when you do find out the name of someone sitting at the bar. Each time you order a drink put it on their tab.

Cost of date - a black eye if you get found out.

#9 Take her to church before sunday brunch. Take money from the collection plate as it's passed around.

Cost of date - -You can actually make money, depending on how much you take.

#10 Watch her through her window all night. Of all the dates, this one gives you the best chance of actually seeing some boobs or even getting a second date...what she doesn't know wont hurt her.

Cost of date - fighting with wildlife can give you cuts, scratches and sometimes rabies.

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Tips for dating for girls part 2: Phone numbers.

So, after talking to you for a few hours, that cute guy finally had the balls to ask you for your phone number. He's been smart and funny and nice so you decide to give him your real number, something that you obviously wouldn't have done had you been sober. Now the ball is in your court right? Wrong. The next few days are agonizing, you see its not that you actually WANT him to call, you just want him to call. I know it doesn't make sense, but you're female so that's to be expected. You see, you want to know that he wants you, but you don't actually want to go out with him. I mean fuck, you met him at a bar so how quality could he possibly be? Screw the fact that you think you're pretty hot shit and you go to bars, guys that go to bars are creepy and after one thing. You know that if he calls you he's one of three things.

1. Desperate

2. Rapist

3. Stalker

When he does call make sure to let it go to your voice mail, don't call him back...ever. You just can't risk it. Guys are all assholes and are all creepy so, the best bet next time is just to give him a fake phone number and try not to drink the obviously roofied unopened bottle of beer he bought you.

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Dating tips for men part 2: Phone numbers.

So you've braved the pick up line and found a girl that actually wants to talk to you. Kudos, you've made it farther than most. Now you go for the kill, you ask for the phone number, you're sure to at some point get in her pants, right? Wrong! You see, once you get a girls number, you're even more fucked than you were before. Now the ball is completely in HER court. You think she's cute so you decide to call. Wrong move, by calling you are showing that you're desperate. Why in the world would you even think about asking a girl from a bar out? That's what she's thinking at least. There has to be something wrong with you. So you decide NOT to call. Wrong move again buddy. By not calling, the next time she sees you she's going to call you an asshole for never having called. After weighing your options there are a few possible scenarios.

1. You call and find out its the rejection hotline.
2. You call and find out its a wrong number.
3. You call and she doesn't pick up, so you leave a voicemail.

Life officially sucks at this point, she will probably never call back and you'll go back to fucking your hand. She may have ruined your favorite bar, do you really want run into a bitch that gave you a fake number? You're better off not asking for her number, loser. She'll wonder why you didn't ask, think you're an asshole and by being an asshole you have more of a chance of getting in her pants, which is your ultimate goal anyway, you are a guy afterall.

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Tips for dating for women part 1. The Bar Scene.

The bar scene. A modern day meat market. Where men and women go to meet each other in hopes of finding a signifigant other, a date, or sometimes just a quick fuck. Here are some tips for the girlsys out there on how to score at least one of these possibilities.

1. Men are like dogs, only instead of bones they like boobies.
2. Act like a slut.
3. Make the first move.

This will guarantee that you'll get mcdreamy, but at least wait until his girlfriend is in the bathroom. The truth of the matter is that guys will do anything for the chances of getting a piece of ass. Keep in mind though, at a bar, if you do act like a slut you're not going to be respected in the morning. After all, beer glasses ARE very powerful and you're probably not as hot as he thinks you are.

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Dating Tips: For Men. Part 1

Because I don't have a camcorder yet, I am posting some regular blogs. Hope you enjoy.

The bar scene. A modern day meat market. Where men and women go to meet each other in hopes of finding a signifigant other, a date, or sometimes just a quick fuck. Here are some tips for the guys out there on how to score at least one of these possibilities.

1. Studies show time and again that girls do not like pick up lines.
2. If a girl is not attracted to you, anything you say to her is considered a pick up line.
3. Get plastic surgery BEFORE stepping up to that girl across the bar.

Girls say they just want a guy that can make them laugh, but no matter how original you are, when you're at a bar, girls DO not look for anything beyond looks. This is because just like you, they are shallow. Let's face it, you weren't going to go up to fatty mclardopants over in the corner were you? I didn't think so. Don't take bar rejections personally. Instead when leaving the bar, remember that she was probably a lesbian.

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