Ski trip updates!

Looks like I'll have some good video for you guys coming up sometime next week. Today was absolutely amazing.

Highlights for the day?

Terry convincing me that one skilift was easy, it took me right next to a black diamond. This was followed promptly by me tumbling head over heels into a snowball and hurting my leg. Good thing that was the end of the night.

What about when Ed tumbled right off the skilift creating a 6 person pile up and Meghan laughing hysterically as each person crashed coming off said skilift. Ed has no recollection of this.

Johnny getting taken out by a 6 year old girl. He's now ready to take on Diamond from American Gladiators.

The old lady that Ed cut in front of accidentally when he lost control because he has NO skiing skills at all. That's when she got shitty with him saying, "yeah just go ahead and take the spot since you already cut in front of me...just stay there just stay there." Now she needs hip replacement surgery.

Tarun having the highest fall count at 21, he never left the bunny slope.

More highlights to come for sure.

On a lighter note, the cabin we are staying at is absolutely awesome. It's a log cabin in a mountain with a hot tub, how great is that? They also have a guest book for people to sign. Here's our entry.

Day 31. We had to ford the river today, dad caught 16 lbs of squirrel. One of our Oxen died, but we were able to use that for our food stores. Johnny broke his arm and we lost 3 days on our journey nursing him back to health. After stopping at a general store at the fort, we continued on. Mary got Typhoid and died. 10 more days until Oregon!

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retractions

So it turns out some of my viewers have checked out my website and taken offense to my rant about how real life ain't like the tv show "The Office". Certain receptionists that I work with don't think they are 45 or fat. It's true, they aren't. There is one 28 year old receptionist who is super hot, but for the purposes os my rant I chose not to include her as "pam" because unlike the last 3 or 4 seasons of "The Office" this particular recptionist is married and therefore doesn't apply to my horrible, yet awesome rant. I promise I didn't mean to offend you and I hope you lift the candy sanctions placed against me. Let me know when the borders to your candy bowl (not a euphamism) have been lifted!

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Brainstorming

This weekend I'll be putting up new material from a ski trip I'll be going on. Aside from videos of me falling and breaking my leg, is there anything you guys would like to see?

Send me your ideas.

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Missed connection from Craigslist I posted.

For those of you who don't know what a "missed connection" is, check out craigslist.org. They have a whole section of people who may have met or caught each others eye and then not acted on it. Then one desperate party writes a personal ad about it and hopes the other person is equally as desperate as them. With any luck in 9 months, they'll be proud new parents. Here is my attempt at a missed connection personal ad.

You were driving your Chevy Lumina in the fast lane going 20 miles under the speed limit. I was driving my Saturn in the fast lane going 10 miles above the speed limit. didn't notice you till it was almost too late and this is what caused our missed connection. You see if I hadn't swerved out of the lane in time, we would have had an actual connection. I'm glad my Saturn has dent resistant paneling(I mostly got it because chicks dig it, but it has other purposes too). As I drove past you and looked in your direction I saw that you were indeed a hot female, it was really too bad that the guy sitting next to you was so incredibly fugly. Regardless, I think we should meet up sometime, perhaps in a dark alley somewhere so I can connect with you the way I really want to: My foot in your ass

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I'm just sayin'

Guys don't really have much of a chance in this hi tech fashion world we live in. Let's say I go on a date (which hasn't happened for a while), meet a nice girl with a great ass, nice rack and great complexion. We get home, she takes a shower. When she gets out I notice that she's taken off the make-up, spanx and wonderbra and I'm stuck with a girl who suddenly has no rack, a huge butt, and a face most suited for radio. My only recourse is to walk around with socks stuffed down my pants.

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Dating tips for men part 4: Goodnight kiss

Now that you've completed the bulk of the first date, the lingering question is on all of your minds. Will my friends ever find out that I hooked up with this heiffer if I take her home and fuck her brains out? Okay so really, you don't care if they ever find out, you just want to know exactly how to end the date.

If you've made it this far without running away or having her run away, chances are you two have clicked pretty well. That's a rarity in and of itself. What happens next will either seal a second date or guarantee that she'll never speak to you again. You see at this point I'd like to welcome you to "YOU CAN'T WIN THEATER". If you try to kiss her at the end of the night there are a few things could possibly happen.

1. She'll back away and say she doens't ever kiss on first dates. You'll know she really wasn't that into you because NO one doesn't kiss on a first date anymore.

2. She'll let you kiss her and it will be the most awkward nasty gross kiss ever. You'll want to off yourself afterwards.

3. She will let you kiss her and then she'll start crying because it took her back to the days where an older man in her life molested her.



Basically, you shouldn't try to kiss the girl on the first date because nothing good can come of it, but then again if you don't, she'll think you weren't into her even if you were. This is just another reason why dating is for suckers. Stay single, unless you like suffering.

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