Older stand up
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Old stand up...teaser for next week.
WE HAVE A WINNER
Take it 'er leave it game show
Thursday, January 21, 2010
So the other night I won the chance to play a bar game show called "take it er leave it" a game that is not entirely unlike Deal or no Deal. Fairly pointless game, but I had the chance to win up to 1,000 dollars. I know the sound quality is a little bad and the video is a little long, but I bet you can't wait to find out how much money I won! Enjoy!
Because I'm broke and have to eat at Mickey D's
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Dear Mcdonalds Worker,
I have the utmost respect for you. When I was five I loved your restaurant so much that I would tell my mom how you were what I wanted to be when I grew up. I lived my dream at the age of 19 for three months during college and while it wasn't all it was cracked up to be, I still felt I had accomplished something.
Many people say that working at Mickey D's is beneath them, but you and I both know sometimes we do what we have to to make ends meet. I understand that sometimes working at this fast food giant seems a little mind numbing, but is it really that hard to understand my order? You see, I HATE those big onions you put on your quarter pounders with cheese. I love the little onions that you put on your double cheeseburgers. Today I wanted a quarter pounder with cheese with little onions. I know there isn't a button on the cash register for that, but its not hard to manually type it in. At the drive through, you seemed to have a little trouble understanding me, so I even repeated myself for you. "One quarter pounder, no pickes, and the little onions instead of the big onions." When it still seemed that you didn't understand, I even said it in spanish "pequito sequoias por favor". On the screen my order still didn't have anything. So one last time I checked "you know that I want small onions right?" You replied with "yes and no pickles." I felt that we had reached an understanding. After waiting 5 minutes for my food to be ready, I was absolutely sure that it had taken so long because they were making my meal fresh and hot for me. When I finally got back to work, I opened my quarter pounder with cheese and took a big bite. Guess what, BIG ONIONS.
Oh Mcdonalds worker, I thought we had bonded for during our brief rendezvous on the drive through intercom, but I have learned you're just like all the other women in my life. You tell me what I want to hear, only to let me down in the end.
I know its hard to get people to change their ways, but I am begging you Mcdonalds worker, I don't want our relationship to end. We have so much in common and you are living my old dream. Please try to make things work with me.
Sincerely,
Me.
Still sick...debt update!
So as many of you know I'm doing this website to get out of debt. Any amount of money I make in excess of my debt is going to go to a charity that has yet to be determined (I will take it to a vote closer to the date of the spin). While I started out slightly over 23,500 in debt this year I've made some big payments and even paid off one of my credit cards completely. My current debt stands at 21155.64 So keep those donations coming and watch me get out of debt!
Read more...Still sick and here are my symptoms...
Monday, January 18, 2010
Spending all day warding off death.
Keep hearing someone knocking at the door...I think it may be death.
Sleeping all day, kind of like mini death.
Death like cough.
Deathlike symptoms in general.
Pale white skin.
Strange urge to eat brains.
Incessant moaning.
Undead.
If anyone knows of a good cure for death please let me know.
Sick
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Well, if it makes me come off as any more pathetic, I'm pretty sick today. I feel like it'll only get worse, so please excuse the posts if they aren't funny the next few days as I'm hopped up on nyquil. And just in case you're wondering I really am sick, I'm not just drinking nyquil because I can't afford Keystone light.
Read more...Tips for dating for girls part 2: Phone numbers.
So, after talking to you for a few hours, that cute guy finally had the balls to ask you for your phone number. He's been smart and funny and nice so you decide to give him your real number, something that you obviously wouldn't have done had you been sober. Now the ball is in your court right? Wrong. The next few days are agonizing, you see its not that you actually WANT him to call, you just want him to call. I know it doesn't make sense, but you're female so that's to be expected. You see, you want to know that he wants you, but you don't actually want to go out with him. I mean fuck, you met him at a bar so how quality could he possibly be? Screw the fact that you think you're pretty hot shit and you go to bars, guys that go to bars are creepy and after one thing. You know that if he calls you he's one of three things.
1. Desperate
2. Rapist
3. Stalker
When he does call make sure to let it go to your voice mail, don't call him back...ever. You just can't risk it. Guys are all assholes and are all creepy so, the best bet next time is just to give him a fake phone number and try not to drink the obviously roofied unopened bottle of beer he bought you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
